So often I find it the case that a calm birth experience produces a calm baby. This is something reported to me time and time again by client's I work with. It could be entirely true, it could be a more chilled mindset from both parents, or just simply they're able to tune into the needs of their newborn and go with the flow.

I had the pleasure of working with Sophie and Andrew earlier this year, who found my course to be a form of marriage therapy- helping them to both feel on the same page about their birth preferences and choices, and creating the all important birth partner role for Andrew- always unique for every labouring woman's needs. 

Here's their story...

"Ive been meaning to message you about Charlie’s birth...such a positive experience.

Contractions started in earnest at about 10.30am on the 7th May, had a lovely chilled day in the garden, I felt very calm and excited...already so different to my labour with Finlay where the thought of the next contraction sent me into a spin!

I was determined to stay at home for as long as physically possible and ended up heading into St Richards at 11.30pm, I was examined and found to be 7cm dilated! I was over the moon. The midwife filled up the pool and I carried on breathing through my contractions, we put on some nice music, I remember feeling so excited that I was in the birthing suite and set to have the water birth I’d wanted! I got into the pool just after midnight, my waters broke half an hour later and he was here by 1am. The last 30 minutes were tough and there were times when I really lost my cool but the whole process was so calm and it was amazing to just let my body do its thing with no medical intervention, I didn’t even have gas and air! I loved how the pool gave that physical barrier between me and the midwife, all she did was guide him out right at the end.

Charlie is such a chilled out, happy little chap, I feel as though part of the reason he’s like that is due to how calm his birth was. It really was so straight forward, and I’m sure a lot of the reason for that was down to a shift in my mindset thanks to the course we did with you! Thank you so much!!"

​

I don't know about you, but my life is full of what I call slumdog millionaire moments. When you learn a fact, then a week later it's the answer to a quiz question. Or you hear a song on the radio you haven't heard for years, then suddenly you hear it everywhere. Or a random conversation about an event then gets bought up by someone different a few days later. 

I had a conversation with an old friend at the weekend about feeling really confident in my own skin now, a far cry from when I was "fat, invisible and boring". So Facebook chose to share this 2008 memory with me today, to hammer home that point. I hate this photo. But instead of deleting it or scrolling past, I'm disabling its power. 

Ive said it before but I think nowadays it's taboo to not be happy with your body if you are a smaller person. If you weigh less than 11 stone, or are smaller than a size 16, you aren't allowed to be anything other than content. We are all about telling women to love themselves as they are, but that only applies to those who are very short, very tall, bigger, smaller, scarred or flawed or different in some way. If you happen to be average.... forget it. You aren't allowed to whinge. 

I might not look "fat, invisible or boring" to other people in this photo, but that is all I can see. This is the biggest I've ever been in my life and it didn't suit me. Didn't make me happy. My jeans dug in painfully to my hips. I wore floaty tops to disguise my muffin top. Lived in hoodies whenever possible. 
​
This photo serves as a timely reminder that I don't want to get complacent again. I've carried, birthed and fed 2 babies since then, but I am much happier stood naked in front of the mirror now than then. I like my body tight and strong and toned. I don't really give a shit if that's not other's idea of healthy, or beautiful. My ex husband loved me either way. My recent ex boyfriend actively tried to fatten me up. But it's not about what other's love me as, it's about me loving myself and being comfortable in my own skin. That's taken a long time, I'm not totally there yet, but I'm working on it.

Today I stepped well and truly out of my comfort zone. I’m told that’s where the magic happens... ✨

A few years ago a question popped up in a hypnobirthing group from a Mum who was asking about becoming a practitioner. I suggested the method I trained in, we exchanged some private messages, and instantly warmed to each other. We’ve become firm friends ever since.

Georgie took my advice and trained the year after I did, and our careers have taken us down very different but connected pathways. We’ve both branched away from our umbrella training and launched our own Birth preparation courses- similar and wildly different- unique for our own clientele. I added doula services, Babycalm and soon to be Toddlercalm to my bow, Georgie added a prestigious hypnotherapy qualification to her arsenal, and now runs a whole host of hypnosis based classes, workshops and private sessions to share her magic. We’ve stayed in touch at every step, and have found ourselves drawn closer together since September by both enrolling into the Limitless Life Experience with Suzy Ashworth- an intense group coaching designed to rip open everything we thought to be true about ourselves and analyse the bones of our soul laid bare. 

In December I found myself spinning out. Feeling overwhelmed with workload, family matters and the heartache of my split with my last boyfriend bubbling to the surface. Like a glittering multicoloured beacon of hope, Georgie reached out and suggested hypnotherapy. 

I’ve never been on the other side. I live and breathe hypnobirthing- barely a day goes by without me using one of my many tools that I teach to calm myself down and regain focus. But an actual, tailor made 90 minute hypnotherapy session focusing on my flaws, goals, aspirations and issues..... FUCK YES- sign me up. 
So that brings me to today. I rocked up at this gorgeous building- only a 45 minute beautiful drive from Midhurst may I add- into this beautiful, *beautiful* space that Georgie has created to work with her clients. I know very few people in my life with such positive happy auras that surround them- Georgie is one of these people and her Breathing Space reflects that beautifully. 

I’m not going to give you details of my session. I had a lot of shit to work through. Some that I knew was there, some that came as quite a surprise. We started with some amazing techniques and visualisation exercises then ended the session with me snuggled up under a blanket, on possibly the most comfortable beanbag created by man, listening to Georgie’s lovely relaxing voice reading me a personalised hypnosis script. Heaven. 
If you’ve read to the end of this and thought “hmmm that sounds like something that could help me”- then I implore you to chat to Georgie and see if she is the woman for you. I’ll link her details in the comments. 
​
I’m going to bed tonight feeling lighter and far more energised that I’ve felt for a long time. I’m feeling good. I’m feeling free. 

In the summer I taught my workshop to Emma and Ben, a gorgeous couple who'd been recommended to be by no less than FOUR mutual friends (yes, I take bribes...), and Emma's mum Kate who was acting as extra birth support. I had such a great day getting to know them all and sharing my knowledge and birth tools with them all. I was over the moon to receive this lovely story from Emma who is walking talking proof that there is no such thing as a PERFECT birth, but you can 100% have a POSITIVE one....

"I went in to early labour on Monday night (13th Nov) and was able to sleep on and off until my contractions started to get stronger late Tuesday morning. They became more strong and regular so Ben called my mum to come over whilst I was in the bath listening to my TCBS tracks, we went of to hospital shortly after to find my contractions had slowed right down and I was told to come back at 3pm as I was only 3cm dilated  I didn’t like being in the car so we popped round to a close friends house near the hospital where I managed to have a light lunch and then carried on labouring in her bath with my tracks and breathing techniques. I loved the line ‘my surges cannot be stronger than me, because they are me’ that one really stuck in my head. When we went back in a was told things hadn’t progressed much but I didn’t have to go back home. I asked to be examined again as couldn’t believe there was no progression as the contractions were 3 minutes apart and around a minute long... I was in fact 6cm which meant I could go to my room and get in the pool! I laboured in the pool for a further 4/5 hours with a little help from gas and air but had to get out and move around as things were going so slowly... a few hours later I had a huge urge to push, it was at this point I was told my baby was back to back but I could still have a vaginal delivery, I was 10cm and pushed for 2 hours... babies heartbeat was monitored every 15 minutes and remained the same pace the whole time! My mum and Ben were amazingly patient and supportive of me, especially as I insisted on pure silence the whole time. When it got to over 2 hours I had to have a doctor examine me as I should have given birth by this point. I was then told baby Oliver had turned sideways and I wouldn’t be able to push him out, they told me I needed to have an epidural and that they’d try an instrumental delivery but failing that it would be emergency c section. By this point I just wanted to meet my baby and remained calm.  I even consoled my mum as I was wheeled out the room assuring her I’d be ok! Frustratingly I did end up having the caesarean which had its complications due to be having pushed for so long. After 2 and a half hours under the knife I finally got to hold my beautiful baby boy against my chest. Then the problems arose with excessive bleeding etc... I won’t go into the aftermath as I still don’t know myself what happened and am awaiting a meeting with a midwife counsellor to set things straight for me. I’m not worried about it right now as I have the most gorgeous, content and  healthy baby in the world. We still now listen to our tracks as a lullaby to get both me and Oliver to sleep! I would recommend hypnobirthing to any pregnant lady. Whilst pregnant I said that even if all I took from the course was that I didn’t fear labour and birth and felt totally confident that I was happy enough, but my god did I take SO much more from it. Thank you so so much. Lots of love from Emma, Ben, Kate and baby Oliver xxx"

Sugar.

Lets be honest for a second. We ALL consume wayyyyyyyy too much of the stuff. As adults, our recommended daily sugar intake shouldn't be more than 30g- the equivalent of around 6 teaspoons of sugar. One can of coke contains 9 teaspoons. A glass of orange juice? Around 4 teaspoons. This is just the drinks, before adding it to tea and coffee, eating biscuits and cake, the hidden sugars in most convenience food, not to mention the fact that carbohydrates metabolise to sugar as they are digested. I would wager that most of you reading this are easily hitting that recommended amount, and then some.

Before I go any further, I just want to throw a disclaimer at you. I'm a normal busy mum. I'm not following a regime, I'm not promoting anyone or anything, I'm just sharing my story.

A typical day for me a few weeks ago looked like this:

3 or 4 coffees with sugar.
Granola or porridge with sugar for breakfast.
A lot of biscuits and cake, especially when I'm teaching.
I'm not great at lunch, occasionally it looks like nutella on toast and an apple.
I eat a lot of fruit, quite often half a punnet of blueberries or raspberries or a couple of satsumas.
Dinner. sometimes a fabulously healthy veggie meal, often pizza or pasta. occasionally cereal or toast.
Maybe a glass of water if I remember.
My evenings are spent on my laptop and watching TV with ice-cream, nutella and a spoon, a bar of chocolate or a bag of sweets.

Shit man. Written down thats pretty horrific. I'm not a big drinker, maybe a couple of glasses of wine a week, if I go out out, its either vodka and lemonade or if I'm not drinking- I drink full sugar coke.

So let me explain my motivation. Its twofold. Firstly, I've invested massively in myself recently. I've joined a group coaching programme with my business mentor Suzy Ashworth. Every day for the last 2 months we've had work to do, journalling questions to answer. Lots of soul searching and working out what we want in every aspect of our businesses and personal lives. The growth, minutes work and motivation has been amazing for me. Totally life changing. One of the affirmations I chose to focus on has been loving my body and feeling comfortable and happy with the choices I make to nourish myself. Secondly, I made myself really ill a few weeks ago. I went to a party and made the choice not to drink alcohol. So instead I drank coke. I must have had maybe 6 glasses. So is it any wonder that I woke up the next day feeling horrific?! That was my point of no return. I CHOOSE not to feel like that any more.

So the change.

I won't pretend its been easy, that there haven't been slip ups or cravings- baking biscuits with my kids on day two was a rookie error- but this is a rough account of what I've done to rapidly reduce my sugar intake:

-Drinking a fuck tonne of water. Flushing my body and clearing the toxins. Bonus- I feel less bloated and my wrinkles are disappearing.
-Eating a banana a day. I read that potassium helps curb sugar cravings so thought it was worth a shot. I hate the texture of banana but can cope with it sliced. I've discovered that healthy peanut butter on toast with sliced banana is actually a good filling snack for me.
-A handful of raisins in my porridge instead of sugar. Boring but palatable.
-Eating a proper lunch. My local garage have a fab range of great exciting salad boxes packed with grains, sprouts (not brussel) and interesting flavours so I've stocked up on those, especially for work days.
-Swapping out my coffee for green and herbal teas. A non issue for me, I love green tea anyway.
Buying dark chocolate for dire emergencies. I am not a fan at all so easier not to bother!
-A colleague recommended crab apple bach flower remedy so I've been adding that to my drinking water.
Still eating loads of fruit. I love my fruit!

Making these choices has been conscious and honestly easier than I expected it to be (but still hard!!), but I am aware that I've probably still consumed a fair amount of hidden sugar without realising, but my main goal was always about REDUCING, not depriving myself of everything thats good in this world.

Word of warning, and something I was prepared for- sugar is an addiction. Cutting it out will give you withdrawal symptoms like headaches, sweats and cravings. On day 5 and 6 I thought I might actually die. I had the worst headache I have ever had in my life. It was possible a migraine but I've never had one to compare it to. Every time I moved my head I was nearly sick. I was actually sick too. I had sleepless, restless nights. I sweated buckets at night. At 3am on day 6 I had to get out of bed for an ice pack for the back of my neck. I considered phoning myself an ambulance and reminding my girls I love them. I can say this with humour now but at the time I was deadly serious. It was a pretty intense come down.

I write this on day 9. The last few days I've felt much better. Full of energy, clear headed and really positive. I really think I can stick to this. There may be slip ups, especially at christmas, but honestly the difference in how I'm feeling is amazing. 

I have put these instagram photos side by side. Day 5 versus day 9. The frown in the first picture was caused by the mega headache. The smile in the second is a symptom of freedom.

If this has inspired you to join me, I would LOVE to hear from you, especially if you have any great snack ideas to share.....

"My name is Kt, I'm 29 & have two amazing children. Star, she's 5 & AJay, he's 2. My gosh is having two children hard work. It's well worth it thou. The rewards are amazing. My children are the ones who keep me going but they're also exhausting, AJay especially, but they also contribute to my mental health. I love them so much.

Dealing with mental health is something that never goes. You don't get better you just learn to live with it. It's always going to be there inside you, hidden from the outside world. You could be sat next to someone & not have a clue if their ill or not.

I'm not one to speak out about my mental health. I've suffered with depression since I was 15. Everyday I go to sleep feeling drained & dreading waking up in the morning to battle the exact same the next day. Emotions make everything 10x worse. I have no motivation to do anything. If I didn't have to take my kids to school i wouldn't get up in the morning. I'm tired. Luckily I love my job & two amazing children who rely on me who I'm so very proud of.

Each day is tough. I feel worthless & unlovable. I don't like myself very much & haven't done for years & years. I find it hard to talk about what's going on in my mind cuz I feel stupid a lot of the time. I question everything. I believe a lot of it is due to my past, alot has happened to me, alot not very nice. I was sexually abused, raped, suffered a miscarriage, attempt suicide, bullied, self harm & a victim of domestic violence. But I'm still here fighting everyday.

When things gets tough I tend to take out on myself. But I have a roof over my head, 2 beautiful children, a job that I love & amazing friends & family. Living with a hidden illness is a daily struggle but I fight to survive.

My friends would say I'm loud & bubbly. Quite a chatterbox & I am but sometimes life gets tough. Over the years I have made a shell, walls built up around me.

Just recently I started suffering with anxiety, something completely new to me. I had my 1st attack about a year & half ago. It completely came out of the blue. I was terrified, I generally thought I was going to die. I've learnt to count now & tell myself I'm okay but I can't cope with lots of people & loud noise. Big gatherings are a massive thing me, I have to escape for 20mins sometimes just to calm myself down & tell myself I'm going to be Okay!

I now cope with my mental health much easier that I did before thanks to finding a different type of antidepressant, I still don't get much sleep. I wake up on average 7 times. My sleep seems to be get worse over the years but at least the antidepressants stop my past repeating in my heàd finally.

A few months ago I was diagnosed with PTSD, something I knew I was suffering from but just didn't want to admit it. That's hard to deal with, constantly reliving your shitty past but I'm getting there slowly thanks to my counselling. It's early days but I'm getting there slowly. You have to relive the crap times to try & move on & carry on with your life.

While you might think someone is happy & strong, deep down inside they live with a constant battle in there head. One thing I am proud of is for the 1st in a very very long time I am actually content with my life which is a massive achievement for me. I still can't remember what happy is but I will one day. For now I'm like living on my own with my rugrats."


If you are parenting solo and would like a community of lovely mamas to hold your hand through the journey, please join my Rise of The Shewolf Facebook group.

We prepare for the birth of our babies with military precision. 


We attend antenatal classes, practice hypnobirthing, and create birth plans. We pack hospital bags, create lists of things we need, decorate nurseries, choose a buggy and buy all the equipment we think we will be using.


But for so many first time mums, nothing quite hits us like the reality of having a brand new human to bring home from hospital. The dawning realisation  that this gorgeous, precious little bundle is 100% reliant on us…. 100% of the time. Thats pretty big.


I’ve worked with a lot of new mums over the years, as a breastfeeding peer supporter and more recently in my new role as Babycalm consultant. Its a really special time filled with a whirlwind of visitors, gifts, hormones and overwhelm.


During these early weeks it takes time to find your feet as a family. You will no doubt be faced with all sorts of conflicting advice, questions about sleep, information about EVERYTHING and a list of books that you absolutely should be reading. But who should you listen to?


Your baby.


Your baby hasn't read the books. They've not been to the antenatal classes. They have no expectation of life on the outside. Your baby has been programmed with the minimal amount of survival training. She knows you are important. She knows that without you, her safety is compromised. She's fitted with a very basic safety alarm. So its no wonder that when you disappear for even a second, where your baby can’t see, hear, smell or touch you, that alarm goes off. And my word, it’s effective!


The transition from womb to being earthside can be an enormous change for a new baby. The life they have known until now is warm and wet. There is no breeze, no sudden change of temperature. The lighting is set at an ambient red glow. There is the constant sound of heartbeat, peppered with familiar digestive noises and voices that they've become accustomed to hearing in a muffled tone. There is no sensation of hunger or thirst- that brilliant juicy placenta of yours has been providing constant nutrition on tap. There is no feeling of needing to poo or wee. Life in the womb is your baby’s very own nudist retreat. They are free and easy just floating around in their weightless sack of fluid. Life is very pleasant indeed.


To then suddenly emerge into this new world comes as a huge shock. That warm protective water has disappeared. These sensations of hot and cold and air blowing around are new. This really bright light is overwhelming. Theres no muffle to the noises anymore, and it’s so LOUD out here. Theres a few familiar voices and sounds but when there’s no water buffering them, it can be a bit frightening. Theres a gnawing sensation in their tummy that wasn't there before. There is no concept of hunger yet and baby has no idea where food comes from or how to make this feeling go away. Theres something weird being strapped around their bottom, pressing into their tender tummy. Filling up with something that they have no control over and it feels seriously odd to be sat in this warm sticky mess. This glorious naked body is now contained within clothes. Even the softest cotton can feel really alien against skin that has never known anything but nudity previously. Labels, buttons, waistbands, hats- none of these in the womb. That wonderful freedom to swim around, wiggle fingers and kick feet has disappeared. Everything feels so heavy now that gravity has got involved. That watery cushion has gone and now they are feeling the weight of their body pressing down into a mattress or carseat or basket. That lovely tight cocoon that held her close and contained has gone. The world is now infinite. A stretched out arm that would have once made contact with a bouncy wall now is flung wide into space. Or makes uncomfortable contact with something hard and unforgiving. Their senses go into overdrive- suddenly these new sensations of smell, sound, taste, touch and sight are everywhere. 


Now is it any wonder that your baby sets off the alarm- and cries at the top of their lungs- often.


These early weeks are often known as the fourth trimester, as your baby slowly starts to become accustomed to life outside the womb. It can be an easy transition for some babies and harder on others. The good news is theres plenty you can do to make this easier on them (and on you!!), but understanding and connecting with these changes, being present and responsive, will make these early months far more pleasant for everyone involved. 


One day, you will look back on the fourth trimester and realise it’s flown by in the blink of an eye, but whilst you're there in the trenches, it feels never ending. Make sure you're fully supported by friends, family and cake. There’s always got to be cake. 
To find out more about the Babycalm workshops and courses I have running this autumn click here or to look for classes in other areas visit calmfamily.org

This is my favourite photograph. 
This is my mama boobing me in the 80s with our cat tinker and dog William. 
I have always loved this photo. It has sat in pride of place in my parents sitting room my whole life. Mum looks so peaceful. So content. So natural. 
Motherhood is a whirlwind. Dirty nappies. Sleepless nights. Sick everywhere. Loneliness. Overwhelm. Exhaustion. 
But in amongst it all are these perfect moments of calm. 
I have always wanted to be a mother. It's always felt like my calling and this picture has always symbolised everything I hoped having a baby would be. 
And it's been everything, and so much more.

Why are baby shows bad for your bank balance and birth experience?⭐️
Having just sat sandpapering my legs with the totally essential grooming kit I got enticed into buying today, I've been reflecting on the day I've had. 
A friend and I roadtripped up the A3 to the Baby and Toddler Show at Sandown Park. 
Before I begin, I've had a GREAT DAY. Not just a good one, but one of those rare legendary days full of happiness, sunshine and laughter whilst geeking out on the latest baby innovations. 
As mothers of two each (and her with another on the way) we'd like to think we are now experts in what we deem "essential" for a new baby. Both very different lists when you compare them I'm sure. But there's something about these clever events, their shiny marketing, sparkly sales people and beautiful displays that make you think you need ALL THE THINGS. I'm not even having a baby and I found myself marvelling over clever cushions and blankets, wondering whether I needed new night lights, and excited by the idea of a self sterilising bottle. There were things we could both agree were totally ridiculous and consumerist, but it's very easy to get sucked in as an experienced parents- I feel for the brand new parents-to-be who wouldn't have left with any boot space or much change from a grand. 
But do you know what I think *should* be an essential? 
A positive birth experience. 
Never mind what you are going to dress them in, push them in, wrap them in, wash them in, put them to sleep in- how they enter the world is bloody important. How you FEEL about their entry into the world is important. 
Not one stall for birth preparation. No books. No hypnobirthing. No information about staying chilled out for the most important day of your baby's life. 
It might not be shiny or sparkly, have different speed settings, come in multiple colourways or be self sterilising, but I think it should be considered essential. 
When your baby is a toddler, teenager, adult, will you remember which buggy you pushed them in, which brand of baby food you fed them, which blanket you wrapped them in? Maybe. 
Will you remember their birth? Always.