I don't know about you, but my life is full of what I call slumdog millionaire moments. When you learn a fact, then a week later it's the answer to a quiz question. Or you hear a song on the radio you haven't heard for years, then suddenly you hear it everywhere. Or a random conversation about an event then gets bought up by someone different a few days later.
I had a conversation with an old friend at the weekend about feeling really confident in my own skin now, a far cry from when I was "fat, invisible and boring". So Facebook chose to share this 2008 memory with me today, to hammer home that point. I hate this photo. But instead of deleting it or scrolling past, I'm disabling its power.
Ive said it before but I think nowadays it's taboo to not be happy with your body if you are a smaller person. If you weigh less than 11 stone, or are smaller than a size 16, you aren't allowed to be anything other than content. We are all about telling women to love themselves as they are, but that only applies to those who are very short, very tall, bigger, smaller, scarred or flawed or different in some way. If you happen to be average.... forget it. You aren't allowed to whinge.
I might not look "fat, invisible or boring" to other people in this photo, but that is all I can see. This is the biggest I've ever been in my life and it didn't suit me. Didn't make me happy. My jeans dug in painfully to my hips. I wore floaty tops to disguise my muffin top. Lived in hoodies whenever possible.
This photo serves as a timely reminder that I don't want to get complacent again. I've carried, birthed and fed 2 babies since then, but I am much happier stood naked in front of the mirror now than then. I like my body tight and strong and toned. I don't really give a shit if that's not other's idea of healthy, or beautiful. My ex husband loved me either way. My recent ex boyfriend actively tried to fatten me up. But it's not about what other's love me as, it's about me loving myself and being comfortable in my own skin. That's taken a long time, I'm not totally there yet, but I'm working on it.
Today I stepped well and truly out of my comfort zone. I’m told that’s where the magic happens... ✨
A few years ago a question popped up in a hypnobirthing group from a Mum who was asking about becoming a practitioner. I suggested the method I trained in, we exchanged some private messages, and instantly warmed to each other. We’ve become firm friends ever since.
Georgie took my advice and trained the year after I did, and our careers have taken us down very different but connected pathways. We’ve both branched away from our umbrella training and launched our own Birth preparation courses- similar and wildly different- unique for our own clientele. I added doula services, Babycalm and soon to be Toddlercalm to my bow, Georgie added a prestigious hypnotherapy qualification to her arsenal, and now runs a whole host of hypnosis based classes, workshops and private sessions to share her magic. We’ve stayed in touch at every step, and have found ourselves drawn closer together since September by both enrolling into the Limitless Life Experience with Suzy Ashworth- an intense group coaching designed to rip open everything we thought to be true about ourselves and analyse the bones of our soul laid bare.
In December I found myself spinning out. Feeling overwhelmed with workload, family matters and the heartache of my split with my last boyfriend bubbling to the surface. Like a glittering multicoloured beacon of hope, Georgie reached out and suggested hypnotherapy.
I’ve never been on the other side. I live and breathe hypnobirthing- barely a day goes by without me using one of my many tools that I teach to calm myself down and regain focus. But an actual, tailor made 90 minute hypnotherapy session focusing on my flaws, goals, aspirations and issues..... FUCK YES- sign me up.
So that brings me to today. I rocked up at this gorgeous building- only a 45 minute beautiful drive from Midhurst may I add- into this beautiful, *beautiful* space that Georgie has created to work with her clients. I know very few people in my life with such positive happy auras that surround them- Georgie is one of these people and her Breathing Space reflects that beautifully.
I’m not going to give you details of my session. I had a lot of shit to work through. Some that I knew was there, some that came as quite a surprise. We started with some amazing techniques and visualisation exercises then ended the session with me snuggled up under a blanket, on possibly the most comfortable beanbag created by man, listening to Georgie’s lovely relaxing voice reading me a personalised hypnosis script. Heaven.
If you’ve read to the end of this and thought “hmmm that sounds like something that could help me”- then I implore you to chat to Georgie and see if she is the woman for you. I’ll link her details in the comments.
I’m going to bed tonight feeling lighter and far more energised that I’ve felt for a long time. I’m feeling good. I’m feeling free.